how to start...Part 1

As you can see I've been having a lot of trouble starting this blog and its just been a jumbbled mess so far, and that is partly why I havent written so much. But I have so much to share that maybe I should just start from the begining.
My Daughter Lilly was born premature at 31weeks, 5days and what that basically means is that she was a little short of two months early. Because I had high blood pressure during my pregnancy I knew pretty much from day one that I would be induced a little early and that I was in a high risk pregnancy that would require lots of care and could lead to many different complications.
My first pregnancy was not what you would expect; not at all what I imagined growing up and looking at all those women who loved being pregnant. I had constant "morning" sickness (all day sickness if you ask me) and had to see my OB twice a month just for regular check ups, not to mention the medication and tests. I never felt like this was the best time of my life or that I wanted to feel like this forever but on the other hand I never felt like it was all that bad. I mean the throwing up, constant heart burn and headaches werent great but eventually they would pass and I really just felt normal.
Because of how sick I was I would constantly get the "do you wish you hadn't gotten pregnant", "poor you" and the "I bet this makes you not want to have any kids after this" from people. In response I would just smile and politely reply that I didn't know any different, and that to me this is what a pregnancy was like. But inside their comments just bewildered me; this wasn't an accident, it's not like we hadnt planned and decided to have a baby. In fact Matt and I acctually tried to get pregnant for over a year and I visited the doctor a few times before we were able to get pregnant. Did you know that doctors will not even help you if you havent tried to get pregnant for at least a year? And yes its frustrating, stressful and it takes a huge toll on a relationship. But we were pregnant and I was happy no matter what outsiders thought, I was also very blessed and lucky to have amazing friends and family who provided me with all the love and support I could need.
Anyway around late October or 6.5 months of being pregnant my symptoms started getting worse; my blood pressure was not regulating with extra medication and I was starting to see spots not to mention I wasnt gaining enough weight due to the constant sickness so my OB decided to pull me off work. My work had been amazingly accomodating especially after my symptoms started worsening and had allowed me to temporarily switch positons so that I could be away from my high stress/high strung co woker who it seemed could never be happy. So I felt really bad that I was leaving them high and dry but the pregnancy and family drama was finally taking its toll and I was exhaustedly going to sleep at 5pm each night so I was also a bit relieved.
At home I was able to have my babyshower with my friends, family and some of my moms church friends. My work which was full of amazing friends I had made over the last 4years had planned a babyshower for me for the Saturday Nov 20th. Everything was going great and I was feeling better than i had in a really long time.
But then on Nov 15th I recieved results from Kaisers lab for my 2nd protein test, which showed that my body was explelling protein at 300x the high exceptable result. I ofcourse immediately started stressing and freaking out, and I did what I always do when I can't handle things on my own. I called Matt who tried to calm me down by telling me if it was serious the doctor would call me and let me know and that until that happens I shouldnt worry. Unfortunately about two hours from recieving my results my doctor did call, he told me that I needed to go to the San Francisco Kasier to be seen by a specialist; he said not to stress everything was fine and that it was just an extra check up to make sure the baby was ok. But he also said I needed to go as soon as possible but not to drive myself. I took down all the important information and called Matt whos phone was not recieving signal at that moment, I freaked and called my mom who was not able to leave work at the time. I looked up Matts job number and called there because if this didnt constitute an emergency I dont know what did. Once I explained things to Matt he left work in a rush, stressingly for me he worked 1hr away from where we lived. So all I could do was sit, wait and try not to worry...