Pages

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Enjoy it while I can

My 20 month old is amazing! She's inquisitive and intelligent beyond our imagination. I stop in my tracks several times a day and say to myself she's not even two! Her laughter fills the house, the air, and my heart. I can't believe I helped make this little doll of a person. Her personality is huge she has a mind of her own and boy does she ever have a temper. She is stubborn as a mule and will get what she wants even if she has to get it herself with a stool, or a stick, or whatever is handy. She is definitely my daughter, not looking forward to what the teen years have in store. :-)She already has her own little life that her dad and I just play a part of. Her teacher says she has a boyfriend (or at least a little boy she likes better than the rest, who she gives cheerios to and whos' mommy says talks about lilly at times on their way home. Not that long ago she was my baby and would wake up crying for me to get her, now she wakes up and talks to her stuffed animals and plays until I go in there. I can't believe time flew by so fast, maybe it was because she was a preemie and now she's caught up, but man is time flying by all of the sudden.
And my two month old giggles, he actually giggles! Its so out of this world that i just cant help but laugh with him. Sometimes its in the middle of a feeding or while asleep but its a giggle just the same, and he does does giggle and smile when we talk to him too. And no one can tell me "its just gas" like they did when my first would smile. But my two month old is growing up too fast, and time seems to be slipping away. I don't seem to be able to relish every moment like I did with her. Although I do make time for him and enjoy all those moments.
This is definitely not what I imagined my babies would be like. In my head was this idea that babies are just babies until 3-1/2 to 4. When they "start to understand things" but my two babies have proven me wrong. I'm surprised every day and I love it.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

how to start...Part 1

As you can see I've been having a lot of trouble starting this blog and its just been a jumbbled mess so far, and that is partly why I havent written so much. But I have so much to share that maybe I should just start from the begining.
My Daughter Lilly was born premature at 31weeks, 5days and what that basically means is that she was a little short of two months early. Because I had high blood pressure during my pregnancy I knew pretty much from day one that I would be induced a little early and that I was in a high risk pregnancy that would require lots of care and could lead to many different complications.
My first pregnancy was not what you would expect; not at all what I imagined growing up and looking at all those women who loved being pregnant. I had constant "morning" sickness (all day sickness if you ask me) and had to see my OB twice a month just for regular check ups, not to mention the medication and tests. I never felt like this was the best time of my life or that I wanted to feel like this forever but on the other hand I never felt like it was all that bad. I mean the throwing up, constant heart burn and headaches werent great but eventually they would pass and I really just felt normal.
Because of how sick I was I would constantly get the "do you wish you hadn't gotten pregnant", "poor you" and the "I bet this makes you not want to have any kids after this" from people. In response I would just smile and politely reply that I didn't know any different, and that to me this is what a pregnancy was like. But inside their comments just bewildered me; this wasn't an accident, it's not like we hadnt planned and decided to have a baby. In fact Matt and I acctually tried to get pregnant for over a year and I visited the doctor a few times before we were able to get pregnant. Did you know that doctors will not even help you if you havent tried to get pregnant for at least a year? And yes its frustrating, stressful and it takes a huge toll on a relationship. But we were pregnant and I was happy no matter what outsiders thought, I was also very blessed and lucky to have amazing friends and family who provided me with all the love and support I could need.
Anyway around late October or 6.5 months of being pregnant my symptoms started getting worse; my blood pressure was not regulating with extra medication and I was starting to see spots not to mention I wasnt gaining enough weight due to the constant sickness so my OB decided to pull me off work. My work had been amazingly accomodating especially after my symptoms started worsening and had allowed me to temporarily switch positons so that I could be away from my high stress/high strung co woker who it seemed could never be happy. So I felt really bad that I was leaving them high and dry but the pregnancy and family drama was finally taking its toll and I was exhaustedly going to sleep at 5pm each night so I was also a bit relieved.
At home I was able to have my babyshower with my friends, family and some of my moms church friends. My work which was full of amazing friends I had made over the last 4years had planned a babyshower for me for the Saturday Nov 20th. Everything was going great and I was feeling better than i had in a really long time.
But then on Nov 15th I recieved results from Kaisers lab for my 2nd protein test, which showed that my body was explelling protein at 300x the high exceptable result. I ofcourse immediately started stressing and freaking out, and I did what I always do when I can't handle things on my own. I called Matt who tried to calm me down by telling me if it was serious the doctor would call me and let me know and that until that happens I shouldnt worry. Unfortunately about two hours from recieving my results my doctor did call, he told me that I needed to go to the San Francisco Kasier to be seen by a specialist; he said not to stress everything was fine and that it was just an extra check up to make sure the baby was ok. But he also said I needed to go as soon as possible but not to drive myself. I took down all the important information and called Matt whos phone was not recieving signal at that moment, I freaked and called my mom who was not able to leave work at the time. I looked up Matts job number and called there because if this didnt constitute an emergency I dont know what did. Once I explained things to Matt he left work in a rush, stressingly for me he worked 1hr away from where we lived. So all I could do was sit, wait and try not to worry...

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Dec 23rd 2011

This was written to my daughter a year after we were able to bring her home from the NICU.

A year ago today we brought our little miracle Lilly home. After nearly a month in the NICU, the horror of having to leave you in a city so far away with all the nurses and monitors. Your first trip in an ambulance so you could be closer, the fears of your health- but you were strong, stronger than any of the specialist expected. Our precious Little early Christmas present. We love you so much lit...tle one. You've grown so much and yet our journey is just beginning. In the past year which seems like it has flown by we've learned that you hate the fireworks of the 4th, are intrigued by Halloween and the strangers opening their homes and giving you things and absolutely love Christmas lights and colors. You're our little flirt who steals strangers hearts with a glance or a smile. You have a very sting personality from demanding we give you the food we eat to wanting to cuddle every night before bed you are a precocious little one. And you have no idea how very blessed we are to have such wonderful friends and family who love you almost as much as we do ^_~. You are the joy of your daddy Matt and my life and you make it all worth while

Thursday, January 19, 2012

My little lilly,
You're now a little person, no longer the little baby that was soley dependent on us. Any day now your going to let go of that coffee table or couch and just start running (walking on your own just isnt fast enough for you). The day you started crawling you stood up on your own, it was so crazy your dad and I couldnt believe it. You are so head strong, and you let us know what you want and when you want it. You have always had your own attitude and personality. (you did have to come out of the womb two months early :-P)But now it shows more. Its hard to believe that a little over a year ago you were just a tiny little thing weighing less than 3lbs and were dependent on an incubator to keep warm.
You interact with us like a little kid now.
You hold the phone up to your ear and chatter
You have two baby teeth on the bottom and two teeth coming in up top
You have full conversations with us and expect a response when you Babble
The other day we noticed how you respond to social ques and how when we laugh you laugh right back at us
You give little baby kisses and have for a little while now, your hugs are the most amazing things ever and they make all the bad things go away. But even though you love to cuddle you are no longer the hold me hug me baby you once were. Oh no sir you have places to go and people to see. If you cant be crawling around or walking you are not a content baby.
You love all animals even when they bit you and you think the aquarium is the best thing ever.
You love spending time with your cousins and going over to their house is like having your own little play gym.
You love the park
You love to play and hate to be alone. (good thing your brothers on his way to keep you company)
Today you stole your dads wii mote and wouldnt let it go for the life of you. Daddys so excited he thinks it means you will be playing with him soon.
I love you my little one